mickan in world

Travelling is not always a bed of roses. It has it's ups and downs. Right now it is down.

I am having second thoughts about the hole teaching and volunteering project. This might seem like it is out of the blue but it does not feel good right now and for the first time in this trip I don't feel very happy. I am actually panicking over the responsability dropped on me and I have started to think I am not up for the challenge. I know I have not been here for very long, and I am going to give it some more time, but I have a hard time seeing I will last three months here. I feel totally out of place and absolutely like I am being here at the wrong time in my life. I feel very young and inexperienced, everyone here are at least 5 years older than me and I feel like I have taken on too much. I migh break down under the feeling of letting everybody who depended on my being here down, but I don't now what else to do. I don't  like being a quitter but I don't like crying myself to sleep either.
I know, I know.. give it some time, it will turn around.... but in my heart I know this is not the place I am supposed to be. I don't know where that place may be though, and I don't know where I am going.. I will try and stick it out for a little longer though. And then... we'll see...

So there you go. I have poored my heart out in an electronic diary and posted it on the Internet for the world to see.
Maybe I will be embarressed by this entry later, but I don't think it is a bad thing to admit to faliur or not being super happy all the time. Life is not black and white.

I feel really lost right now and I am taking life by the hour. I know you won't judge me though and that is comforting.

I will try not to despite myself too much. I am only human, I think I might have thought too highly of myself and what I could handle. Right now I desperatelly need to think a bit of Me, a thing that is really hard, and makes you feel really bad while surrounded by all this poverty. I feel like a spoilt little kid who has been given a chance to help but who is too small and too scared (and maybe to egoistic) to be up to the challenge. Please don't comment on this... I am just trying to pin my feelings down, it helps.

Break down and move on. That is what I am doing and I seriously believe that you have to feel bad sometimes to be able to appriciate being happy. I will learn from this.

Som Fia skrev: Det ar mycket lattare att lyfta nar man har en botten att skjuta fran ifran.
Kloka ord.

I hope I didn't bring you down now. I will get back to you when I know what is happening.

Love you all so much!