mickan in world

I refuse to say that I was overexaggerating because I did feel as shitty as I have ever felt last week. Nor will i say that I judged the situation too fast; because I think it was by freaking out, and by hitting the bottom, that things begun to turn.

A few days ago I didn't think I would last another week in Vang Vieng. Now I know differently.

I spoke to Mr. Thi the other day and explained to him how I felt and as the truly amazing man he is he said that I could leave at whatever time I pleased and that no one would hold it against me. After realizing that i was free to leave, I of course became reluctant to do so (reversed psychology I guess). I begun to realize that every day I stay at the farm is my own choice, taken there and then. Not the choice of a confused past self who didn't know what she wanted, only what she thought she should expect of herself (does that make sence). Everyday I stay at the farm I do because I want to. And right now, amazingly enough I think it is what I want.

I have held classes for the more advanced students this week and I feel like I have been doing a good job. I help out with the little kids and am undergoing some coaching (30 3-7 year olds with various knowledge of English is a handfull I tell you). What I am beginning to realize though is that the important thing is to give them a chance to hear English and work up an interest. Also this is a unique opportunity because in the clasroom are kids from different ethnic minorities in Laos. Equal education and communal classes are rare in this country where discrimination and resettling of ethnic minorities are common. Most of the kids in the class are H'mong children, the village where the school is placed was moved here from the mountains ten years ago so that the goverment could keep the H'mong under control. The village is extremely poor and some of the kids can not afford going to school (One month of school costs one dollar).

In the mornings I have started teaching a H'mong girl, Huya, reading and writing. Se is very smart and speaks good English but she never had the chance to go to school and therefore she can't read or write. It is all very rewarding as she is making fast progress and with every new letter she learns I feel better about staying in Vang Vieng. As an exchange she is teaching me H'mong embrodery, which is really fun indeed.
Yesterday she told me she wanted to show me something so she took me to a house in the village. I heard terrible screams from in there so I felt a little reluctant to enter but she urged me so I came with here. In there they were preforming a kind of ceremony, I guess in our custums it would be equal to a baptism. When a baby is one month old (after one month the survival rate for infants is much higher) it is custum to slaughter a pig and the ceremony that follows involves hymns, dancing and making imprints on the backs of the parents and the siblings with pig's blood. And this is what Huya showed me. And as a teacher I followed up our lesson by having her learn b- b- blood, a bit morbid maybe, but what do you do?

Also I have been helping out at the farm; constructing a mud brick house. This type of construction has been worked out locally, using local materials and techniques. The construction of this house has many reasons; one is to show the locals new ways of construction which will be cheaper, more sustainable and also entirely ecological. This house is also going to work as a seedbank, to store local seeds in case of disesses and also in case of a bad year of draught or flooding. The climate is changing in Vang Vieng and crops are no longer as reliable as they have been. Also the availiablitiy of local seeds is important since the farmers tend to buy cheep seeds from China and Japan which are not suited for the Laotian soil.
I will send you all an e-mail about this because right now the farm is conducting a fund raser to collect money for this project. I hope you can consider it and maybe pass it on to people who might be interested. This is a very good and important project (I can assure you of that, I am building the seedbank with my own hands). Take a few minutes and read it through anyways!

As maybe you have notised the sun has gone up over Vang Vieng. I am still a little shaky and uncertain about myself and my being here; but I am making progress and I am taking each day as it comes. I have decided I will stay at least one month and after that sit down and think about what I wanted to do. I feel free again which is wonderful and I feel that I am glad to be where I am.

Thank you so much for all your e-mails and comments and encouraging texts. It is so much easier to be away when you have something like that, like you, to come home to.
Love grows with distance, or at least it becomes more visable...

Tack for att ni finns.